2002-10-15 - 2:23 p.m.
Humans are so funny. Their entire world is a web of deception, misleading words, and hidden secrets. This is true for human garou too…they’re no different. Good thing they have no idea how to hide their little things from me. For instance, Becca’s heart actually does skip a beat sometimes when she gets around Donovan. I was distracted by…something at the time, but in hindsight I shoulda known. Her scent changes and everything. Its always easy to tell when humans like each other. Their bodies heat up, and their breathing changes…obvious to anyone who knows the signs. Sometimes I feel so sorry for them, so blind in most ways. But they get by I suppose.
I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A SHARK!
I’m really starting to figure these guys out…I think I have found a good way for other wolves to understand humans…they’re still animals underneath all of their domestication. Well…for instance, Becca is a Black Fury Theurge. That much is obvious…doing this has given me a lot more insight into the people I understood the least, namely, Lexx and Mike. Lexx is a Red Talon Ragabash. It explains her distaste for human society…she doesn’t take anything too seriously because everybody else around here takes everything too seriously. Without her these guys would have imploded long ago. Never realized how important Ragabash are…
I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A SHARK!
Mike is a Glass Walker, of course…but he acts a lot like a wolf as well. Are there Lupus Glass Walkers? I don’t understand why the weaver mages try and kill the other mages. We get along with the GW: they’re a lot like Uktena actually. We explore the Wyrm, they explore the Weaver. The other tribes don’t trust either of us. I wonder if they know how much we have in common…maybe I should inform them of that one day.
I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A SHARK!
But I’m drifting…I’m so unfocused lately. This beautiful tropical island is making me slip off my game. I think though, I shouldn’t spar with Becca anymore…she can dish it out, but it doesn’t seem like she can take it. Maybe I should just fight with Jonathan and just do my spiritual training with Becca. Hey then maybe I’ll get to have sex with her….nice. Speaking of which, I haven’t had sex since we left New Mexico…it’s been even longer since I’ve seen a wolf. This whole being able to screw two species thing is great and all, but I kinda miss other wolves…I really miss having a pack.
I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A SHARK!
It’s like I end up have to be a pack all by myself. I have to keep pointing out people’s flaws so others don’t exploit them, and generally try and keep peoples sprits up. I have to do the spirit thing, cuz it seems to hurt them a lot when they do it. I have try and keep them from killing each other by reminding them that they all wanna kill me. I have to tell them of my past, the garou’s past, Mother’s past, and pretty much everything that’s going on around them that they’ve never seen. And, the part I don’t actually mind too much, I have to run in and kill things cuz they’re all a lot less fragile than I am…and I’m only a Theurge. I wonder what they would do if they knew I’m not even that tough of a Garou…then again, they did kill a whole pack of Spirals, so maybe I shouldn’t underestimate them too much.
I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A SHARK!
Hm, I wonder if I’m forgetting anything…oh yeah, THERE ARE WERESHARKS?!?!?! Who knew? Why? Why are there men who turn into sharks…I don’t even know why this is bothering me so much. Maybe it’s because I had no idea they existed, or maybe it’s because the seas maybe full of huge killer sharks who hate wolves. Damn ancestors, they have no idea how bad they fucked up. No idea. And here I have to try and atone for their fuck-up. They should come back and do it themselves. To think, we did to them what was eventually done to us…who says theirs no justice in the world? Well, my hand hurts…man I hate writing human languages…Stupid tiny little pencil.
I need to drink more. Have more sex. Experience more danger. Because I can’t howl, I can’t run, I can’t hunt. Stupid human feelings creeping into my mind have to drown them out. Only I see the flames of the Phoenix, the burning times are coming and they don’t care. But I know. I care. And that’s good, because only I can stop it. Please God, Jesus, Mother, please let me be right, please don’t let me be deluded, take away doubt, I am the Best, I am the Strongest, I am the most Honorable, I am the most Glorious. I have to be, look at what you’ve given me…I have to be…right?
I need some more Cheerios.
